I wish you would write a book with rough bindings filled with stories that weren't completely appropriate, that took you to the edge and dangled you there for a bit. What I mean to say is that people wouldn't usually say things like that, or in that sort of way. You do though. You write with your heart and let your mind sift through it's unpredictable lines until it finally makes sense to the rest of us. You are other, and I love that. I guess what I'm trying to say is I truly love your writing.
I really appreciated this. It’s always nice to hear yourself described in a novel way. I’ll keep this in mind for quite some time, I’m sure. Thank you, truly. Grace and Peace - CT
Logical Reasoning (What It Feels Like to Take the LSAT)
It made me sick.
It was the nerves or the coffee or the twelve-and-a-half-cigarettes-smoked-end-to-end or maybe all three (or fourteen point five, if you think like that), but there’s no worse feeling in the world.
I mean it didn’t have to be so damn hot. All of us standing out there in that single-file line coiled around the building. So much tension down that line I probably could have snapped the whole thing with the wrong kind of breath.
I just kept trying to think about all the other people. All of us there, together, so differently and so identically it made me sick, sick, sick. I prayed for the ones behind me and in front of me, sort of, because I guess I thought I’d do better if I didn’t pray so much to do better. Just as long as I was praying.
I’ve always been like that. One of those “If you think it’s going to happen it won’t happen, so don’t think it’s going to happen it most definitely, absolutely, positively, will happen,” who always has to stop thinking before that last part.
It’s just like fire ants. It’s exactly like fire ants. Like fire ants eating out every last cord inside you. Like the whole army of them spawned inside your stomach and it had to Pacman its way out to the surface of your skin.
So, we all just stood there. Anthills too afraid to talk. And for the God-forsaken one who did talk, trying to show his courage, his gusto, his uncharacteristically zesty mood…well, we all hated him, but I prayed for him too, because I thought I might do better if I did.
Then, just like that, we were all sucked up like a friggin spaghetti noodle. You’d think that signing your name below the “I-certify-that-I-am-the-examinee-whose-name-appears-on-this-answer-sheet-and-that-I-am-here-to-take-the-LSAT-for-the-sole-purpose-of-being-considered-for-application-to-law-school-I-further-certify-that-I-will-neither-assist-nor-receive-assistance-from-any-other-candidate-and-I-agree-not-to-copy-or-retain-examination-questions-or-to-transmit-them-to-or-discuss-them-with-any-other-person-in-any-form” was like taking the test itself. It was all downhill from there.
Due to contractual obligations listed above, the Author is unable to comment on said “it” which was “downhill” at this time either in part or in full. The Author assumes no responsibility for any inferences or deductions made by the Reader about the unconscious-semi-hallucinatory-state-of-total-focus required by the Law School Admissions Test (henceforth referred to as “LSAT”) which the Author may or may not have entered into during his particular test-taking experience. At this time, the Author may only be permitted to divulge that the LSAT made inquiries and that there were both wrong and right and wrong answers presented to the test-takee as this is common knowledge freely available to the public. The Author would also like to communicate under sound mind and without any form of coercion being posed against him that “Law School Admissions Test” and the “LSAT” are registered trademarks of the Law School Admissions Council, Inc. The Author would also like to propose at his own discretion that the LSAT is a “son-of-a-bitch.”
And then it was over. We all just floated out of the room. Nobody was too much of anything except having very badly to urinate. You expect people to throw up. You expect some kid to lose his marbles and rip off his clothes and scream, “Father is going to hate me!” and run wildly down the street (well I hope you don’t think that, but I guess I did). Instead you just get pockets of people. All the army-ants inside them flushed down the urinal, forever to be forgotten in the common assurance, “Yeah, I didn’t think it was that bad.”
We all got screwed. We got screwed to the tune of five sections at thirty-five minutes a piece with an unscored but highly important writing sample which will be submitted to each and every law school we apply to.
So I prayed.
Not for me, because I actually wanted to get a good score. I prayed for the H&M looking hispanic guy driving the red VW Golf with the scrapes down the side. I prayed for the lanky character with the gigantic belt-buckle who most-likely has never been anywhere near Texas. I prayed for the strange fellow with his jeans rolled up. I even prayed for the soft-spoken girl who had bought the “Official LSAT Timing Watch” and then asked the proctor if it was okay to use it.
Then I made a deal with God and cast out the devil, because I want to get a good score. I even decided not to dip until I knew my score.
"One ought never to turn one's back on a threatened danger and try to run away from it. If you do that, you will double the danger. But if you meet it promptly and without flinching, you will reduce the danger by half. Never run away from anything. Never!" - Winston Churchill. This quote made me think of your blog for some reason.
Two things: 1. This is awesome. 2. Winston Churchill is easily in my top five “Who would you meet in all of history?” figures. I really appreciate you sharing this quotation. Listening to that man’s speeches on YouTube is one of the the most thrilling things you can do on a rainy day. Grace and Peace - CT
"When this boy Jesus was five years old he was playing at the crossing of a stream, and he gathered together into pools the running water, and instantly made it clean, and gave his command with a single word. Having made soft clay he moulded from it twelve sparrows. And it was the sabbath when he did these things. And there were also many other children playing with him. When a certain Jew saw what Jesus was doing while playing on the sabbath, he at once went and told his father Joseph, "See, your child is at the stream, and he took clay and moulded twelve birds and has profaned the sabbath." And when Joseph came to the place and looked, he cried out to him, saying, "Why do you do on the sabbath things which are not lawful to do?" But Jesus clapped his hands and cried out to the sparrows and said to them, "Be gone!" And the sparrows took flight and went away chirping. The Jews were amazed when they saw this, and went away and told their leaders what they had seen Jesus do."
- Infancy Gospel of Thomas -
I know that this isn’t “biblical.” I know that it may not have actually happened. But there is something inescapable about this passage. I don’t know if this Jesus is much different from the one that I serve. I serve the Jesus who did things people thought shouldn’t be done. I love the Jesus who molded me when I was clay and then brought me to life even though people probably would say shouldn’t have. That’s my Jesus.